Reconnecting with the Goddess

For some time now I have known that I'm not where I need to be in my life.  For years I have been happy with the choices I have been making but the past 6 months I haven't been happy.  Not truly happy.  I have been eating better and exercising, my job is going well, I am giving back to the community, I just completed my first 5K yesterday even with me being sick. So why do I feel that something is missing?

For months I have been going further and further away from the Goddess.  Not that I want to, of hell no, my belief has not changed.  The way I go about things are different though.  I don't live by myself nor do I have any alone time and I really think that is a major reason why I don't practice my belief like I used to.  The weather has been so cold with winter hanging on much longer this year then normal that I haven't been able to get outside and enjoy nature.  I need to get my hands in the dirt and explore my favorite trails around the lake.  I need to sit and watch the animals. 

Today after I went to the gym I went to the lake.  I drove around and saw several animals and plants in bloom and trees leafing out.  It was beautiful.  It was a little on the cool side so I was happy to just be in the car driving around.  I stopped once and got out of the car and just looked around.  I felt happy.  I also asked for the Goddess to re-enter my life and help me spiritually. 

When I was at the lake I saw several signs letting me know that I wasn't alone today.  My sisters were with me, even if they didn't know it.  I went out there around 2:30pm, middle of the afternoon.  That is not the right time of day to see the deer out but I saw a couple deer first thing.  One of them looked right at me.  At first I didn't see the message in it but then I think I have been missing many messages lately.  It wasn't until when I stopped and got out of my car did it hit me.  I was asking how to get back on track when I saw a big back bird flying in the sky.  I am pretty sure it was a crow since we don't have ravens here but I thought of one of my sisters right away whose totem is a Raven.  I knew the first step was to start wearing the Goddess necklace again that she had made and given to me. 

The deer was a reminder of one of my other sisters who I always think of because I see so many Robins around, both animals are totems of hers.  When I was standing with my arms up I looked around and everywhere I looked was yellow.  Dandelions.  They have a special meaning to me too.  The dandelions are family and they reminded me where my home is and where my family is.

I know what I need to do.  It's a lot like what I do when it comes to working out.  I make myself get up and do it.  I have become lazy when it comes to my spirituality like I once was with going to the gym.  I once had a knee problem so I skipped the gym.  I am living with someone so I have gave up what I believe in so they wont know what's going on.  But no more. 

I want to be happy again.  I want to be complete again.  I know I can do it.