Counting your Blessings

Today at lunch I was looking on facebook like always and I saw a friends post on how everything that could, had gone wrong for her.  Now who hasn't had a day like that?  I have had several days that I can recall thinking I just wanted to go home and crawl into bed and sleep until the next day.  There used to be times that I did just that.

Over a year ago I started to make a change in my life.  I started to become negative because of people and things that were going on in my life.  I had to take a big step back and start doing things for myself and not worry about how others felt.

I looked deep into myself and realized that not everything was bad in my life. There were several things in my life that were good that I didn't even see.  Things I took for granted, people I took for granted. Instead of looking at the positive side I always looked at the negative. 

It wasn't until after I started my year and a day that I realized what I needed to do to change.  What I needed to do to stay happy, or at least half way stay happy.  I had to look for the positive in everything I did and everything that was around me. 

For example with the tornado in Moore, OK.  I could look at that and only see the sadness and devastation.  Instead I look at how even though there was loss of life, it could have been much worst.  There might have been several homes destroyed but neighbors worked together to find pets and a child's blanket and even the smallest thing that could mean the world to a person. 

I choose to watch the stories on the news of great joy and happiness even when something so horrible happens.  That is what gets me through the day. 

I saw an interview with a woman who was happy and was laughing.  She had lost just about everything she owned but yet she was still happy.  Why?  Because her and her husband were alive.  Their neighbors who they helped get into their shelter were alive.  She can rebuild and she said they probably will stay in the same area too.  She was looking at the positive side of everything and that is how we all should be. 

It's not always easy to do at times.  There will always be people at your job, on the highway while you are driving, at the store, even your own family that will try to bring you down.  You need to rise above them and still count your blessings.  Think of what truly is important in your life and that will get you though your day.

So many blogs, not enought time to post

Even though I have not posted anything this past week it doesn't mean that I haven't written anything.  I have three posts that are in draft stages right now, including one that I wrote today. 

I love that I can get on blogger at work now during breaks but I hate the fact that I only have ten minutes to write something.  I could write at both morning and afternoon break but it seems like someone is always interrupting or I have text messages I answer.  I wish that break was just a little bit longer in the afternoon.  If I had 15 minutes instead of just the 10 I could get at least a few blogs written. 

I could always skip lunch and write then but I cant eat at my work station and I like getting out of that building at least for lunch.  So the only thing I can do is start a blog at work and then hope I finish it after I get home.  The one I started today I will be posting as soon as I post this one.  Fingers crossed.  lol

Finally Spring is Here! (Or is it summer already?)

Finally the heat has arrived to Iowa!  Last year we had already had 2 months of warm temperatures.  My garden was growing and if I remember right I already picked some of the early crops.

Last year in May there was the Super Full Moon and I was dancing around in a dress without sleeves, and that was at night!  The air was fresh and everything was beautiful.  What a big difference compared to this year.

Today, May 14, 2013 is the first really warm day.  At 2pm when I am typing this it is already 90 degrees!!  Just a couple weeks ago we had a snow storm!  What is the deal Mother Nature???

No matter how you look at it I am loving it.  The birds are out in full force in my back yard, some birds I haven't seen in many years in my yard.  The apple tree is in bloom and so very pretty right now.  Hopefully the blossoms with stick around this year unlike last year when we had really bad winds within a day or so of the blooming.

The next several days are expected to drop to the 70s for a high which is fine by me.  That is how the weather should be this time of year.  I can't wait for the first batch of rhubarb to be picked. Ahhh Spring!!!

Reconnecting with the Goddess

For some time now I have known that I'm not where I need to be in my life.  For years I have been happy with the choices I have been making but the past 6 months I haven't been happy.  Not truly happy.  I have been eating better and exercising, my job is going well, I am giving back to the community, I just completed my first 5K yesterday even with me being sick. So why do I feel that something is missing?

For months I have been going further and further away from the Goddess.  Not that I want to, of hell no, my belief has not changed.  The way I go about things are different though.  I don't live by myself nor do I have any alone time and I really think that is a major reason why I don't practice my belief like I used to.  The weather has been so cold with winter hanging on much longer this year then normal that I haven't been able to get outside and enjoy nature.  I need to get my hands in the dirt and explore my favorite trails around the lake.  I need to sit and watch the animals. 

Today after I went to the gym I went to the lake.  I drove around and saw several animals and plants in bloom and trees leafing out.  It was beautiful.  It was a little on the cool side so I was happy to just be in the car driving around.  I stopped once and got out of the car and just looked around.  I felt happy.  I also asked for the Goddess to re-enter my life and help me spiritually. 

When I was at the lake I saw several signs letting me know that I wasn't alone today.  My sisters were with me, even if they didn't know it.  I went out there around 2:30pm, middle of the afternoon.  That is not the right time of day to see the deer out but I saw a couple deer first thing.  One of them looked right at me.  At first I didn't see the message in it but then I think I have been missing many messages lately.  It wasn't until when I stopped and got out of my car did it hit me.  I was asking how to get back on track when I saw a big back bird flying in the sky.  I am pretty sure it was a crow since we don't have ravens here but I thought of one of my sisters right away whose totem is a Raven.  I knew the first step was to start wearing the Goddess necklace again that she had made and given to me. 

The deer was a reminder of one of my other sisters who I always think of because I see so many Robins around, both animals are totems of hers.  When I was standing with my arms up I looked around and everywhere I looked was yellow.  Dandelions.  They have a special meaning to me too.  The dandelions are family and they reminded me where my home is and where my family is.

I know what I need to do.  It's a lot like what I do when it comes to working out.  I make myself get up and do it.  I have become lazy when it comes to my spirituality like I once was with going to the gym.  I once had a knee problem so I skipped the gym.  I am living with someone so I have gave up what I believe in so they wont know what's going on.  But no more. 

I want to be happy again.  I want to be complete again.  I know I can do it.

Time for Me

Have you ever took a day off and wanted that day to go a certain way but then it not go that way?  Yeah that happened to me today.  I took today off to celebrate Ostara.  This week was spring break for my area so vacation was hard to come by this week but I was able to take today off.  A much needed day off I must add.

The morning went just like I had wanted.  I got my side mirror fixed on my car, and went to the gym for 2 hours.  I was sore from working out last night and maybe I should have waited to go but I went with a friend and was able to get in some friend time and gym time all at the same time.

My plans for the afternoon didn't go like I had wanted.  I was planning to make a much needed video explaining where I have been the past two months, that didn't happen.  I was planning to take a drive in the country and maybe even take a walk by the lake that I love so much, that didn't happen.  I was planning to spend some alone time with just me and my thoughts and Albert, my cat, that didn't happen.  What did happen was my brother ended up coming over and using the computer for a few hours and had his gaming stuff so loud that it came though my bedroom wall.  What did happen was that I laid down for a short nap and slept all afternoon. 

I will admit that I tried to make a video in the 30 minutes of alone time I did have after I woke up but even that didn't turn out like I wanted.  I was really surprised with what I started to say, even though it was the truth.  When I looked at how bad I looked in video I knew I had to get what I needed to say out.  I also know that its time to make a change because what I was saying is true, I am dying inside if I don't make that change and get back on track now.  Let me explain.

When Teddy died a couple months ago part of me died too.  I didn't know how much a part of my soul Teddy was and still is.  I have had pets die my whole life but Teddy was more then just a cat, he was my better half.  Since his passing I haven't been doing anything spiritual.  I haven't lit a single candle, I don't have an altar set up, nothing.  I have kept certain people in prayer like always but that's it.  I haven't connected with the Goddess in the past two months either.  I haven't turned my back, I just haven't made the effort to do anything.

What I have done is put all my energy into working out and eating right.  Now those things are great!  I love working out!  I love making healthy food choices and feeling great instead of eating fatty and sweet food and having a food crash.  I am pretty sure that is what happened when I ate some frozen yogurt, it was to much dairy and sweet compared to what I am used to eating and I crashed! 

What I need to do is work out, eat right and still be spiritual.  Somehow I need to find the right combination of all three and right now that is what I am having problems with.

Losing my spiritual side isn't the only thing I have lost, I also lost contact with many of my friends online.  I have been on FB but not.  I go on there and play one game, just one stupid game!  I will sometimes look and see how others are doing, I will update from time to time on my life but I'm not really there.  That game is addicting and I cant seem to give it up yet.  Ugggg

My plan of action on how to fix everything?  I'm not sure.  Honestly I don't.  I need more time in the day for one.  I work, come home for an hour and eat and then head to the gym.  I get home late and I have an hour or two maybe at night to be online and all the other things I need to do at home.  Then I sleep, well if you call it sleep.  I am up at least a couple times at night.  I cant remember the last time I slept a full straight eight hours or even more then four hours at a time. 

That is where I am at right now.  This is who I am right now. 

My thoughts on Fox News

Where have I been and why am I just now seeing what Fox News said about Wiccans and Pagans? 

Last night I got an email that TipToeChick had a new video.  I was so tired last night that I thought I would wait until sometime today or even later in the week before I would check it out.  Lately videos haven't been the top of my list of things to do. 

This morning I noticed many others had videos up of the same topic so I knew this was something I had to check out but mornings aren't the best time to watch.  I wrote my fitness blog this morning and did my weigh in on my LiveHealthyIowa team page.  Now I wish I would have watched at least one of the videos.

Tonight, in fact about an hour ago, I was on FB and noticed a couple videos and decided to watch the video of the Fox News segment on Wiccans and Pagans.  I couldn't believe what I had heard!  So many things I wanted to scream out and say WTF????

There are a few things I want to address.  First, to say that there aren't many Pagans or Wiccans in the world, well maybe the reason you think that is because most of us are in hiding.  Like myself.  There are a few people that know I am Pagan, but my family don't know.  I hide because of people like the reporters who don't have a clue what they are talking about.

Second, we don't have 20 holidays.  We have 8.  I guess if you want to include the full moons you could get 20 but most Pagans don't celebrate the full moon as a holiday, in fact some don't even do anything for the full moon, I am one of those.  I will sit outside looking up to the moon while she is full but that isn't unlike any other night because it could be the dark moon and I am still going to look to her with love. 

As for Pagan holidays, this is what I have done the past couple years now. I have to take my vacation on Pagan holidays. I am sure there are many others like me that take those days off and have to use their vacation too. I would love it if I could be open and have those days off with pay just like I do with Christmas and New Years. A few years ago my work stopped giving us Good Friday off so really the only religious holiday we have off is Christmas. The others are just American holidays.


I think Fox News really needs to do some research on what Pagans and Wiccans believe in.  If they knew maybe that wouldn't sound so stupid when they opened their mouths.  But then again, maybe they would still sound that way.

Down below is a link to the video in question.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=J22mI-P0a1M&feature=youtu.be

Whats going on?

Its been awhile since I updated anything on here and that is because a lot has been going on in my life.  One thing is that I am no writing another blog which is totally about weight loss and the journey I am on to become healthy.  I have been on this journey for a few years, slowly changing my habits.  If you want to join me on my other blog contact me and I will post a link here.

The other major event in my life is one that is very sad.  My familiar Teddy crossed the rainbow bridge last month.  I had him for 14 years and he was my child.  Even now as I am writing this my heart has such a sadness that I cant even describe.  I loved him more then any other cat I have ever know.  This past 3 weeks since his passing I have been lost.  I knew that this time would be hard for me but I never knew how hard it would be. 

Last night I bought an urn for him since I did have him cremated.  Since I don't know where I will be living one day I didn't want to just bury him anywhere.  I have also decided that when it comes to me crossing over one day I want his remains to go with me.  I know that this body is just a shell but it gives me great comfort to know that he will be beside me forever. 

I have wanted to do a ceremony of some kind for him but just haven't had the time alone to do one.  Hopefully in the next few weeks and can take a day off and spend some much needed time alone with just him. 

I am hoping within the next week I can get back in the swing of things with this blog and with my life.  Its been a hard journey this year but I know things can only get better for me.  I have faith.  I send much love and many blessings to all